Oh Lisa. Lisa Lisa Lisa...

Late 1989...and Lisa Stansfield has started strong. Her second single has soared to number one!  It's  MASSIVE! It's EVERYWHERE! It's NONSENSE!

A classic tale of girl loses boy, love walking out of the door, and "I just don't know what I did wrong, SOB". Well, hold that call for the wahmbulance, because I think you know, Lisa, I think you know exactly what you did...

Yes, it's All Around The World by Lisa Stansfield!

Let's examine the evidence...

First, the talky bit. You know, all low and a bit sultry.

I don't know where my baby is

Oh NO? What’s happened girl?

But I'll find him, somewhere, somehow

Have you phoned around?

I've got to let him know how much I care

Ok...um, why would he think you don't?

I'll never give up looking for my baby

At some point you may have to, in the interests of 'closure' obvs. Also, you sound like a stalker.

It's all a bit sad isn't it? And I think she's genuinely upset...

Been around the world and I, I, I

I can't find my baby

I don't know when, I don't know why

Why he's gone away

And I don't know where he can be, my baby

But I'm gonna find him

Hmm, are you sure nothing happened? Because you know, "lady doth protest too much" and all that…

We had a quarrel and I let myself go

A quarrel? I bloody knew it! So...when you say 'let yourself go' do you mean a bit shouty, very shouty or full on banshee?

I said so many things, things he didn't know

Oh goodness, you really went to town on him didn't you! Did you say "And another thing" at any point?

And I was, oh, oh, so bad

What, just in the argument or bad in another way?

And I don't think he's coming back, mm mm

That’s a row, not a quarrel

He gave the reason, the reasons he should go

Wait, WHAT? He's told you he isn't coming back, AND WHY? You just said you didn't know why he'd gone and now, now this.

And he said a thing he hadn't said before

One thing? Is it bad that I want to know what this one thing was?

And he was, oh, oh, so mad

Well it sounds like it, if you were shrieking and giving him the rounds of the kitchen

And I don't think he's coming back, coming back

As I said, quite probably not, given he's said he isn't and given you reasons.

I did too much lying

Lying? You’re freely admitting to lying and you don’t know why he’s left you?

Wasted too much time

Doing what, exactly? You know I’m giving you some serious side-eye now…

Now I'm here and crying, I, I, I

Stable doors and bolting horses spring to mind Lisa...

Been around the world and I, I, I

I can't find my baby

I don't know when, I don't know why

Why he's gone away

And I don't know where he can be, my baby

But I'm gonna find him

I think we've established that you do know why he's left you Lisa, and it doesn't sound pretty

So open hearted, he never did me wrong

Aw, he sounds nice!

I was the one, the weakest one of all

WHAT ON EARTH HAVE YOU DONE? OH GOD, IT WAS THAT BLOKE AT THE OFFICE WASN’T IT? WHY DID YOU TELL HIM?

And now I'm, oh, oh, so sad

WHAT DID I TELL YOU? FFS.

I don't think he's coming back, coming back

Sorry, I’m still a bit shocked that YOU TOLD HIM.

I did too much lying

What have you been up to? It was just the bloke from the office wasn't it? Wasn't it?

Wasted too much time

But but... 

Now I'm here and crying, I, I, I

TBH, you've only got yourself to blame.

Been around the world and I, I, I

I can't find my baby

I don't know when, I don't know why

Stop that. Stop that right now. You know, Lisa. You know, I know, everyone knows.

Why he's gone away

And I don't know where he can be, my baby

He’s either at his mum’s or his best mate’s. On a sofa. A really uncomfortable sofa. Is that what you planned? Hmm? No, I don’t think it was.

But I'm gonna find him

Frankly, I think he deserves better. I know you’re upset, but really, you’ve admitted you are entirely at fault, the trust has gone. If you ask me there’s no coming back from this bombshell…